The Love I Want

Today I was going through my documents and I found this ...thing... I wrote about a month ago. I really like it, more so now then I did when I wrote it, so I thought I'd share it with you.

The feeling gets better as the days go by. Nights are the worst though. I lay in bed, alone, nothing but my thought. Replaying every moment in my head. All the words you said. All the kisses we shared. Every late night watching movies on the couch. Hot tears fun down my face, my chest tightens, and it gets harder to breath. I didn’t really believe you were the “one”, but it still hurts nonetheless… If this break up hurts, I’m terrified to see what one that means even more will feel like. It would be easy to say I regret it all. To say that I wish we never took the step from friendship to relationship. But… you can’t be afraid to love just because you might get hurt. I do wish things could have ended differently though. I wish you would have actually tried to make it work instead of running the second things got tough, but I guess seeing how fast you ran means that this is for the best. We’ll get our friendship back one day, I think. Or maybe not. Who knows? Maybe you were just this brief chapter in my life. Brief, but the kind of chapter that changes you, shapes you, makes you a better person in some way. I’m coming to the slow realization that, even though I did love you, you didn’t take my breath away. And that is the kind of love I want in my life. The kind of love that makes you so happy that you want to yell it off the rooftops. The kind of love that makes you want to be the best that you can be. The kind of love that makes you go to bed each night with a smile on your face. That’s the kind of love that I want. And that is the kind of love I think I deserve.