Was Letting You Go Hard?

Was letting you go hard?
Of course...
It was something very difficult for me to do.
I hate goodbyes.
Closing the door and essentially giving up.
But I had to do it.
I had to be strong.
I needed to protect myself.
To stand up for what's right and not get walked on.
I needed to do it... for me.

I just couldn't continue to live that way.
Sitting around waiting for you to decide if I'm good enough.
That's not fair to me.
I deserve better then that.
And that's why I had to walk away.
I simply won't settle for anything less then the absolute best.

Was letting you go hard?
Of course...
But maybe one day you'll see what you had right in front of you.

Until then, best of luck.
I'm not mad. I'm not upset. I'm perfectly fine.
And I will always care about you.

This Was Love

“If I asked you to sail away with me, would you do it?” She looked deep into his green eye. She was so in love that she didn’t know if she could take it.

He just smiled.

“We could go in search of great adventures. Adventures bigger than we’ve ever dreamed of.”

He leaned down and kissed her on the forehead.

“We would never have to look back. Just me and you. Forever and always. The world at our feet. If I asked you, would you go?”

He hadn’t said anything, but he didn’t have to. She knew. He would do anything for her. And she would do anything for him.

They laid in each other’s arms and looked up at the dark sky. The stars were shinning bright and they felt like there was nothing they couldn’t do. They talked about all the wonderful things they would do in life until they fall asleep in the warm summer air. No matter what the morning brought, they would always have this night.

This was perfection. This was love.

A Story about a Boy

It was cold. Too cold for shorts, but she had planned the perfect outfit so this weather wasn’t going to stop her. She needed to make him sorry. Needed to make him wish he had never left her. It sounded shallow, but when you are broken down to nothing, shallow is all you have.

The minutes on the clock passed by. Slowly at first. Then quickly. 12:00… 12:15… 12:30… 12:45…

“Are you still coming?” she asked.

No response. More time goes by until she gets the response she didn’t want to hear. He wasn’t coming. A whole morning wasted waiting on a boy who had no interest in her love OR her friendship.

Chance after chance had been given. How much can one person take? She vowed that she wouldn’t walk away. She vowed she wouldn’t be like his mom. Or like the other girls. She was better than that. Stronger. But she didn’t know how much longer she could do it for.

It killed her. It hurt when he was there and it hurt when he was gone. Today was supposed to have been a good day. A friendship rekindled. The step that needed to be taken.

But instead she sits by the pond. Freezing in her shorts, writing a story about a boy who doesn’t care.

The Love I Want

Today I was going through my documents and I found this ...thing... I wrote about a month ago. I really like it, more so now then I did when I wrote it, so I thought I'd share it with you.

The feeling gets better as the days go by. Nights are the worst though. I lay in bed, alone, nothing but my thought. Replaying every moment in my head. All the words you said. All the kisses we shared. Every late night watching movies on the couch. Hot tears fun down my face, my chest tightens, and it gets harder to breath. I didn’t really believe you were the “one”, but it still hurts nonetheless… If this break up hurts, I’m terrified to see what one that means even more will feel like. It would be easy to say I regret it all. To say that I wish we never took the step from friendship to relationship. But… you can’t be afraid to love just because you might get hurt. I do wish things could have ended differently though. I wish you would have actually tried to make it work instead of running the second things got tough, but I guess seeing how fast you ran means that this is for the best. We’ll get our friendship back one day, I think. Or maybe not. Who knows? Maybe you were just this brief chapter in my life. Brief, but the kind of chapter that changes you, shapes you, makes you a better person in some way. I’m coming to the slow realization that, even though I did love you, you didn’t take my breath away. And that is the kind of love I want in my life. The kind of love that makes you so happy that you want to yell it off the rooftops. The kind of love that makes you want to be the best that you can be. The kind of love that makes you go to bed each night with a smile on your face. That’s the kind of love that I want. And that is the kind of love I think I deserve.